Chapter 26
Before Jackie went to find Jon she had to kiss Toby good night, she doesn't want to break her word to him that was just as important to her as talking to Jon is. She walks into Toby's room she as sits on the edge of his bed runs she her hand through his hair to brush it out of his eyes as he looks up at her and smiles then it fades "Mama you look sad." he said looking at her.
"I'm sad a little but happy to see you awake so I can tell you I love you before you go to sleep." she says with a small smile on her face as she leans in to kiss him on his for head.
Toby sits up and hugs her, it just about took her breath away she just wants to cry but she holds it in. Toby kisses her then yawns "ok Mama I love you I sleep now." he tells her as she covers him up.
"Good night Little one I love you see you in the morning." She says as she leans in to kiss him.
She gets up and walks out the door closing it quietly. She peeks in at Jake and Romeo who both were reading in bed they look up and told her good night and she says it back to them. She then goes to talk to Jon trying to figure out how and where to start. She knows she is going to make him angry with her deceit but she did it to protect her job and those who are around her. With a silent prayer she steps out on the deck to see him sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on the deck railing.
"Can we talk?" She asks as walks up to him.
"I think we said all that needs to be said." He said with anger and sadness in his voice. Not looking at her in fear if he did his anger would subside.
"Ok I'll talk you listen." She tells him in a firm voice. The one she uses when interrogating a criminal.
"I made a decision after our talk on the beach. What I have to say will make you angry but I'm going to tell you anyway and hope that you will hear me out till the end and I pray you will understand with the circumstances."
"Why are you talking to me like this?" He asks while taking his feet down from the railing and standing to face her.
"I want you to know I'm serious and what I have to say is serious and what I have to say has to stay between us or people could get hurt or worse." She says squaring her shoulders putting on her FBI face so she he knows she means business.
Jon watching her demeanor change he watched her shoulders go up her face change with a type of confidence in her he hasn't seen in her before. He's curious to what she has to say now. "Ok tell me what you want to say and we will take it from there." He says looking at her in the eyes
"Do you remember the day you saw me in the park where the dead body was found?" She asked him.
"Yes I remember you told me you found the body and they needed you to stay there for questions." He said.
"Well I was there on the job, you see I'm a Special Agent of the FBI I'm here on an undercover case. My real name is Jacklyn my friends and co-workers call me JC. I can't give you all the details of the case I'm working on, what I can tell you is it's dangerous for you and your family along with my family and Toby I have to keep this low key. The reason I'm telling you this is because of you telling me you love me. I felt I needed to come clean with you before I told you how I felt since I haven't been fully honest with you just to protect you from any harm. In case something happened to me. I had to keep my personal feelings at bay. I hope and pray you understand what I'm telling you. You have no know idea how hard it was to keep things from you while I was falling in love with you, but my top priority was to keep everyone safe and do my job." She said looking at him in the eyes to read his reaction. She watches him rub his face and then his head then walk towards her.
"You have lied to me for months, how am I suppose to believe you and or trust you anymore?" He says with anger lacing his voice as he stepped in front of her. Looking at her with anger the minutes tick by before she says anything. "Look I know your angry for a good reason please try and understand why I did things the way I did them. I had to protect my self and those around me." She said with pleading eyes hoping he would understand. All she saw was anger in his eyes and body language. He walked away from her she watches him go inside she hears him pouring a drink and not a soda. Knowing that wont help matters she walks in behind him "That's not going to help this talk you know." She said as she crossed her arms across her chest looking looking at him with sad eyes.
"It will help believe me." He said with a steeled voice looking into his drink so he doesn't have to look at her hes not ready yet. He is seething with anger due to her lies, he turn and walks back out the door to the deck.
"So your going to ignore me and drink the problem away? Really your going to go that route? Boy I knew rock stars can be moody but this takes the cake." She said getting angry.O YOU EXPECT FROM ME!?" He yells slamming the glass down and it shatters into many pieces then blood dripping from his fingers from where the glass cut him as his hand slides down.
"Oh my God are you ok? Come into the kitchen and get you cleaned up." She says as she walks to him and grabs his other hand and pulls him into the kitchen. She grabs the towel and turns on the water, wets part of it, then pulls Jon's hand under the water to rinse it. Making sure there wasn't any glass in the wound. "Wait here I'll get a bandage for it" She tells him as he sits in a chair with his hand wrapped with the towel. "Put pressure on it while I'm gone." She said as she walked out of the room. A few minutes went by before she returned. "Ok lets see it. Oh it isn't too bad. It will heal quickly." She said as she put the bandage on. Looking at Jon's hands then into his eyes and asks "How is that? Better?" Trying to read him still some anger but not as much as he sits there looking at his hand then her then his hand again as if fighting on the inside.
"Ok this is a lot to take in I'm angry for you not telling me the truth from the beginning like you don't trust me. I'm angry at myself for being angry since your doing such an important job that you put your life on the line for such a job and honorable job at that so I'm fighting myself for not blaming you for not trusting me when it is your job to keep secrets I get that. What happens when your boss finds out you told me?" Looking at her as she sits in the chair she had pulled up to sit in front of him.
"Well he's not to happy with me I didn't give him a choice I called him after I got out of the shower and told him I was telling you I hung up before he could say anything to me." She said with a slight smile and then laughed as she says "When we get home I'm gonna get a butt chewing but he won't take me off the case I'm to embedded he would lose all my Intel and the case would be lost and a lot of other things I can't say."
"That explains all the cryptic phone calls you would have and the careful words you would!now it all makes since." Jon says with a slight laugh. He stands up in front of her holds out the hand that isn't bandaged she grabs it as she stands looking up at him and watching his eyes change from sad to happy but still sadness. Not sure what to do next Jackie just stands there waiting to follow his lead. He pulls her close into his arms just holding her getting his emotions under control the best he could he loves her to much not let her go, but dealing with the false truths are gonna be tough mainly because his feelings were hurt but he understood why she had to "lie" to him. Why can't he just let it go? Thinking to himself. "I'm being stupid!"
"Hey you ok?" he hears shacking him back to the present. "Yes I'm ok was just yelling at myself." He said looking down at her since she pulled away and now looking at him with concern.
"Don't be to hard on yourself it isn't your fault it's the job I chose to do what I have to be untruthful at times I don't like it but it has to be done at times. Which is why I chose to tell my boss the Commander what I was doing tonight. I don't want to lie to you anymore there's to much at stake here." She tells him looking at him with out moving away from him and not taking his eyes off him. Wanting him to fully understand what she is telling him was the truth. "Trust is a precious gift I know that I broke yours but not intentionally I hope you believe me." She continued telling him. Looking at him as he processed what she said he then looks at her pulls her close and whispers "I love you we will make it through this it will take work but now that things are out in the open we can move forward."
She looks up at him with a smile seeing it in his face gave her peace of mind. He looks down at her with a smile that reaches his eyes, "We will be a strong force to be messed with." He said to her.
Seeing the smile in his eyes she knew he was telling the truth they will make it, it may not be an easy road they travel but they will fight to survive.
"Mama?" They hear a small voice from the hall way getting closer, Jackie pulls away from Jon and walks to the voice and she gets to the hall just in time to see Toby collapse and go into a seizure. "CALL 911! TOBY!" She yells not caring how loud she is to wake the other boys. Jon jumps into action.
"I'm sad a little but happy to see you awake so I can tell you I love you before you go to sleep." she says with a small smile on her face as she leans in to kiss him on his for head.
Toby sits up and hugs her, it just about took her breath away she just wants to cry but she holds it in. Toby kisses her then yawns "ok Mama I love you I sleep now." he tells her as she covers him up.
"Good night Little one I love you see you in the morning." She says as she leans in to kiss him.
She gets up and walks out the door closing it quietly. She peeks in at Jake and Romeo who both were reading in bed they look up and told her good night and she says it back to them. She then goes to talk to Jon trying to figure out how and where to start. She knows she is going to make him angry with her deceit but she did it to protect her job and those who are around her. With a silent prayer she steps out on the deck to see him sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on the deck railing.
"Can we talk?" She asks as walks up to him.
"I think we said all that needs to be said." He said with anger and sadness in his voice. Not looking at her in fear if he did his anger would subside.
"Ok I'll talk you listen." She tells him in a firm voice. The one she uses when interrogating a criminal.
"I made a decision after our talk on the beach. What I have to say will make you angry but I'm going to tell you anyway and hope that you will hear me out till the end and I pray you will understand with the circumstances."
"Why are you talking to me like this?" He asks while taking his feet down from the railing and standing to face her.
"I want you to know I'm serious and what I have to say is serious and what I have to say has to stay between us or people could get hurt or worse." She says squaring her shoulders putting on her FBI face so she he knows she means business.
Jon watching her demeanor change he watched her shoulders go up her face change with a type of confidence in her he hasn't seen in her before. He's curious to what she has to say now. "Ok tell me what you want to say and we will take it from there." He says looking at her in the eyes
"Do you remember the day you saw me in the park where the dead body was found?" She asked him.
"Yes I remember you told me you found the body and they needed you to stay there for questions." He said.
"Well I was there on the job, you see I'm a Special Agent of the FBI I'm here on an undercover case. My real name is Jacklyn my friends and co-workers call me JC. I can't give you all the details of the case I'm working on, what I can tell you is it's dangerous for you and your family along with my family and Toby I have to keep this low key. The reason I'm telling you this is because of you telling me you love me. I felt I needed to come clean with you before I told you how I felt since I haven't been fully honest with you just to protect you from any harm. In case something happened to me. I had to keep my personal feelings at bay. I hope and pray you understand what I'm telling you. You have no know idea how hard it was to keep things from you while I was falling in love with you, but my top priority was to keep everyone safe and do my job." She said looking at him in the eyes to read his reaction. She watches him rub his face and then his head then walk towards her.
"You have lied to me for months, how am I suppose to believe you and or trust you anymore?" He says with anger lacing his voice as he stepped in front of her. Looking at her with anger the minutes tick by before she says anything. "Look I know your angry for a good reason please try and understand why I did things the way I did them. I had to protect my self and those around me." She said with pleading eyes hoping he would understand. All she saw was anger in his eyes and body language. He walked away from her she watches him go inside she hears him pouring a drink and not a soda. Knowing that wont help matters she walks in behind him "That's not going to help this talk you know." She said as she crossed her arms across her chest looking looking at him with sad eyes.
"It will help believe me." He said with a steeled voice looking into his drink so he doesn't have to look at her hes not ready yet. He is seething with anger due to her lies, he turn and walks back out the door to the deck.
"So your going to ignore me and drink the problem away? Really your going to go that route? Boy I knew rock stars can be moody but this takes the cake." She said getting angry.O YOU EXPECT FROM ME!?" He yells slamming the glass down and it shatters into many pieces then blood dripping from his fingers from where the glass cut him as his hand slides down.
"Oh my God are you ok? Come into the kitchen and get you cleaned up." She says as she walks to him and grabs his other hand and pulls him into the kitchen. She grabs the towel and turns on the water, wets part of it, then pulls Jon's hand under the water to rinse it. Making sure there wasn't any glass in the wound. "Wait here I'll get a bandage for it" She tells him as he sits in a chair with his hand wrapped with the towel. "Put pressure on it while I'm gone." She said as she walked out of the room. A few minutes went by before she returned. "Ok lets see it. Oh it isn't too bad. It will heal quickly." She said as she put the bandage on. Looking at Jon's hands then into his eyes and asks "How is that? Better?" Trying to read him still some anger but not as much as he sits there looking at his hand then her then his hand again as if fighting on the inside.
"Ok this is a lot to take in I'm angry for you not telling me the truth from the beginning like you don't trust me. I'm angry at myself for being angry since your doing such an important job that you put your life on the line for such a job and honorable job at that so I'm fighting myself for not blaming you for not trusting me when it is your job to keep secrets I get that. What happens when your boss finds out you told me?" Looking at her as she sits in the chair she had pulled up to sit in front of him.
"Well he's not to happy with me I didn't give him a choice I called him after I got out of the shower and told him I was telling you I hung up before he could say anything to me." She said with a slight smile and then laughed as she says "When we get home I'm gonna get a butt chewing but he won't take me off the case I'm to embedded he would lose all my Intel and the case would be lost and a lot of other things I can't say."
"That explains all the cryptic phone calls you would have and the careful words you would!now it all makes since." Jon says with a slight laugh. He stands up in front of her holds out the hand that isn't bandaged she grabs it as she stands looking up at him and watching his eyes change from sad to happy but still sadness. Not sure what to do next Jackie just stands there waiting to follow his lead. He pulls her close into his arms just holding her getting his emotions under control the best he could he loves her to much not let her go, but dealing with the false truths are gonna be tough mainly because his feelings were hurt but he understood why she had to "lie" to him. Why can't he just let it go? Thinking to himself. "I'm being stupid!"
"Hey you ok?" he hears shacking him back to the present. "Yes I'm ok was just yelling at myself." He said looking down at her since she pulled away and now looking at him with concern.
"Don't be to hard on yourself it isn't your fault it's the job I chose to do what I have to be untruthful at times I don't like it but it has to be done at times. Which is why I chose to tell my boss the Commander what I was doing tonight. I don't want to lie to you anymore there's to much at stake here." She tells him looking at him with out moving away from him and not taking his eyes off him. Wanting him to fully understand what she is telling him was the truth. "Trust is a precious gift I know that I broke yours but not intentionally I hope you believe me." She continued telling him. Looking at him as he processed what she said he then looks at her pulls her close and whispers "I love you we will make it through this it will take work but now that things are out in the open we can move forward."
She looks up at him with a smile seeing it in his face gave her peace of mind. He looks down at her with a smile that reaches his eyes, "We will be a strong force to be messed with." He said to her.
Seeing the smile in his eyes she knew he was telling the truth they will make it, it may not be an easy road they travel but they will fight to survive.
"Mama?" They hear a small voice from the hall way getting closer, Jackie pulls away from Jon and walks to the voice and she gets to the hall just in time to see Toby collapse and go into a seizure. "CALL 911! TOBY!" She yells not caring how loud she is to wake the other boys. Jon jumps into action.
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